Change is inevitable. At least, that's what they say. We all know (or are) people who do not deal well with change. Why do some people fear change so much? I suppose it is fear of the unknown. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't I guess. Me, I like change. A new house, a new job, a new friend, a new book, new restaurant- they all open up endless possibilities.
My husband says when it comes to my career I have a seven year itch. To look at my work history you would likely agree. I guess eventually you get to a time in your job, or even a home or a relationship, when you feel like you cannot grow anymore. Sometimes it is because you feel trapped or suffocated, maybe it is just because the job or place or relationship has run its course. Some people do not want to grow, or they are afraid of growth. Perhaps they are afraid to outgrow a person or place of comfort, some place they love or feel comfortable. They plant their roots, grow deep and solid, and they stay where they are forever. Some cultures value, even revere it… the old the man who lives in the house in which his father was raised, the business that has been in a family for generations, it is all quite commendable. But there is something to be said for changing too- growing up, moving on, shaking things up a bit. Sometimes we need to cut the cord, spread our wings, take a giant leap!
Great pep talk, huh? This week I made a change. Actually, I have made several changes. My life is in the midst of half a dozen changes. I left my job of seven years (yup, the itch), my house is about to get sold, I started a new job, and I am awaiting approval on a mortgage for a new house. I have a teenager learning to drive, a brand new schedule, and an aging body of 40+1 that among other things has brought gray hair and acne. But some changes we have little control over.
I have to admit, I have never felt so ambivalent about a job change before. I never felt nervous, or worried. I did not leave my first day feeling excited or invigorated about the endless ideas and projects I could be working on in the future, though these possibilities do exist. However, I did not feel regret about the decision, or negative vibes about my new co-workers. Many of them have told me repeatedly how happy they are that I am there. Maybe it is everything I have going in my life right now. Maybe it is the
ease in approach with which I have been handled. I am a
jump right in person. I am a
you hired me because I can do this person. I do not want to be tethered or handled, I want to get going. I do not want to be gradually released, I want to be cut loose. I do not want hours of orientation, I want on the job training.
I wonder if this is the right place for me, the right job. I do not feel unhappy. I do not feel nervous or scared. I just feel meh. That is an unusual feeling for me. I am high energy- active mind, collaborative nature. For me, meh just does not cut it. So now what? Only time will tell. We acclimate to some changes more quickly than others. Some change just takes time. Patience has never been one of my best qualities (thanks, Dad). Waiting to feel good about work, wanting to finalize the sale of our house, waiting to move to our new house, waiting on some important professional news, it is a lot of waiting.
There is one thing in my life that will never change- the one constant thing in my life- my family, all of them. I am married to my best friend, my partner in life. Like everything else we have experienced together, we will make it through these changes. Side by side, hand in hand, holding each other up, this too shall pass.
