21 Things

When you become involved with the National Writing Project, one of the very first experiences you have is the invitation to write (aka: invite to write). Here, one of the facilitators of the event presents something of interest to all the participants. It really varies, and can be an excerpt from a book or an article, a song, a video clip, a photograph, an inspirational story or quote, a piece of art. The possibilities for an invite are limitless, as anything can be a prompt for writing, especially when the expectations are open ended. Participants are simply invited to write. What they create in response can vary as greatly as the invitations themselves. Anything is acceptable and nothing is judged or evaluated. Many, maybe even most NWP members, somehow integrate the invite to write in their lives forever after their first encounter with one. Teachers use them with their students, administrators with their faculty, and some, like my writing circle, use them to inspire personal writing. But from time to time, things surface as my own invitations to write. An old song I love, a beautiful landscape I've seen, a strange encounter with a person during the day; these are all my mini invitations to write. Sometimes they arrive daily, or even multiple times a day, and sometimes I can go days or weeks without an invitation. Essentially, these invites might be considered simply by others as ideas for writing. There are times when we want or need invitations from others, and there are times when they come on their own. This one came on it's own...

I love Alanis Morisette. I have, ever since Jagged Little Pill. Who didn't love that album, right? Her real fans though, have other favorites too. JLP was groundbreaking, very different from the other music of its time, but Alanis was more than a flash in the pan and I think I may like Under Rug Swept just as much as JLP. It certainly doesn't get as much airplay. Last month my Sirius subscription expired, and I decided not to renew it to see if I missed having satellite radio. I felt like it was going down hill a little, playing a lot of the same music repetitively like regular broadcast radio. Radio in general is pretty sucky, and in lieu of messing with my iPad or phone, I decided to dig out some of my CD's from the center console in my jeep. I have a small eclectic collection in there that gathered over time; James Taylor, Los Lonely Boys, Dixie Chicks, Badlands, Alanis, and a few others.  Several of them are in there because I never purchased them on iTunes; why would I pay again when I had the CD's?

Anyway, the other day I got into the car and I chose Alanis. I had both Jagged Little Pill and Under Rig Swept, but opted for the latter for no particular reason. The first song is called "21 Things I Choose in a Lover." Basically, she sings a laundry list of qualities she'd like in her ideal lover. She admits in the lyrics of the song, she doesn't need all the qualities she just prefers them. She sings, "I figure I can describe since I have a choice in the matter. These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover." Here's one video of a live performance of the song. You can also hear a pretty acoustic version here.

So what about the song? Besides the fact it has some awesome guitar riffing and the assertive bad-ass voice of Alanis, it got me to thinking. She's right. We have choices, and we should be able to set our own criteria for making said choices. For me, it wasn't about my lover, it was about my career and my life, and the choices I make for living. Why don't I have a checklist? How come at work I can have a checklist of criteria for hiring an employee, or completing a task for compliance, but I don't have one for myself for choosing a job or a pastime? Like Alanis, I have a choice in the matter. So by day 3 or 4 of listening to the CD in my car, I found myself singing a Weird Al Yankovic-type song in my head to the melody of 21 Things I Want in a Lover. I played around with various word choice until I was chuckling out loud in the car. I came up with things like:

These are 21 things I choose to do with my spare time...

Read tons of great books shipped free with Amazon Prime

These are 21 things that I want in a career...

Teaching what I know and love to kids without fear

This went on for some time. It's a little funnier if you actually know the song. But admittedly, it's a bit silly. Ultimately, I tried to think of 21 things I'd choose to choose in a perfect job. This is not a dig on my current or previous jobs, just a list. "Not necessarily needs, but qualities that I prefer." I phrased them as questions because that's the way Alanis did it. And before you judge me, or make any snide comments, remember this is if I were to describe a perfect or near-perfect scenario.

Here's what I came up with...

1. Will I make a difference in the lives of some other people, especially those in need?
2. Will I like and respect my boss (supervisor)?
3. Will I be appreciated for my experience and knowledge?
4. Will I have flexible hours with enough time for other pursuits, both personal and professional?
5. Will the mission and philosophy of the organization align with my own?
6. Will I be able to leave for lunch if I choose to?
7. Will I have time to write?
8. Will I be able to go home early if my responsibilities have been met that day?
9. Will I be able to work from home if I feel like it?
10. Will the people around me (my co-workers) be happy in their jobs and show up to work?
11. Will I be trusted to try new things?
12. Will I be able to decorate my own office, choose my furniture and my computer?
13. Will I make enough money to fulfill my family obligations, save, and go on vacation each year?
14. Will I have affordable AND good health care for me and my family?
15. Will I get at least 1-2 weeks off 2 or 3 times per year?
16. Will I learn enough at my job to feel like I've grown during my time there?
17. Will the agency/company have internal power rather than being controlled by outside policy?
18. Will other people want to know how they can join the team I'm on once they know I am there?
19. Will it be okay for me to take a nap if I get tired?
20. Will I be proud to tell people I work there?
21. Will I be able to bring my dog with me if I want to?

There it is, foolish or for real, these are 21 things I choose to choose in a dream job. Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer. I figure I can describe since I have a choice in the matter.

Processing

Can't sleep, still thinking

Processing

My morning at the gym

A peach for breakfast, no smoothie

Left my blender at work

Ran out of shampoo in the shower 

Restock my gym bag for tomorrow

Work, there's never enough time 

Managing people

Putting out fires

Answering questions

Children who act like adults

Adults who act like children

Trying to complete a task 

Transcripts,

Credits,

Report cards,

Assessments,

Schedules,

Progression plans,

Field trips,

Curriculum,

IEPs and 504's,

And more questions

Writing

Blogs,

Circle,

PD plan,

New curriculum,

Syllabus,

Projects and passions

Labor and love

Every day ends

with a plan for the next

and a processing of

What was and

What will be.

The Writing Well

Many writers and authors (Is there a difference between the two?) advise others to feed their writing, or "fill the well" so to speak. In other words, we need to read other great writers in order to know what and how to write our own work. I've mulled these words over many times. One of my writing buddies refers to filling the well often, usually when she's taking a short break from writing in order to do some reading. I'm realizing lately, as I've tried to force myself to feel creative, and attempted to will myself to feel inspired, I have been going about it all wrong. Filling the well is about reading, but it's also about living, and experiencing.

Writing is cyclical, in many ways. For example, creating a great piece of writing often yields feelings of productivity and accomplishment. It can be cathartic as in letting out something that has been brewing and growing on its own inside us. When it finally finds its way out in the perfect combination of words with just the right tone and an authentic voice, it is gratifying and at the same time emptying. As writers, we live with our work all the time, everyday until it feels complete. Sometimes it's like the comfort of a close family member, other times it feels like a pesky roommate.  When the piece is complete and published, whether informally on a blog or for a personal audience, or officially as in a book or publication, it's gone. As with the pesky roommate, it may be a relief. As with the close family member to whom you've had to say goodbye, it can leave you feeling empty. Sometimes being left with your feelings, bad or good, can inspire a piece of its own. But many times, it will leave the well dry.

Though I write semi-regularly for an otherwise full-time employed person, I had been experiencing dry well for several weeks. Yes, I was producing pieces- a few short poems, a couple of ponderances (apparently that's not really a word) and regular journal writing. But I really stumped myself this past month with a writing prompt I provided to my regular writing circle. You can read some of our work on our new blog, as long as you cut us some slack as we try to get into a groove. I volunteered to get the group going with our first prompt, and I think I may have had the toughest time writing a response. A brief summary: we were challenged to create something with our hands and see what it inspired us to write. There were no rules, just create something with your hands and then write. Wow, I was stumped. You would think, since I was the one to provide it, that I would be chomping at the bit to write. Our survey says:

Can you imagine? I came up with this creative prompt, and it should have been fun but it stressed me out! Now I know why. My well had run dry. I was depleted. I finally produced the piece I needed for the blog. We all made a commitment and I knew it might be tough to get started, but we know we need to write if we want to be writers. I plowed through and turned a struggle I had creating with my hands, into a poem (and another fun piece) about of all things, words. I created experiences rather than things, and it started to fill my well back up a bit. I started to consider how I can continue to refill. I finished a book, started another, and went to a teaching conference. I came back with some new inspiration and a couple of new resources, all which have generated new ideas in the workplace. I started working on the syllabus for a course I'm teaching at the local university this fall, and I started to feel the level in the well begin to rise. 

Fast forward to yesterday, when I was riding in a car and reading an article on a mobile app, and I found the inspiration for something I have been waiting to materialize in a meaningful iteration for months. A seed that blew through with a breeze months before was starting to germinate. This morning, Sunday, often the only day if any at all I can sleep in and leisurely get out of bed when I'm ready, I was awoken by a proverbial flood of thoughts. The well is filling up. Why? Because instead of sitting around waiting for inspiration, instead of expecting that because I scheduled time to write, the writing would come, I was out living! Filling the well is reading, and living, and loving, and experiencing. If we're not out creating meaningful experiences in our lives and observing the lives of others, how can we expect to have anything to draw from when it's time to write?

My epiphany is this. If there's nothing coming to the pen, the pencil, the keyboard, go out and read something, or do something. Take in some nature or spend time with friends. Go on a trip or experience something new. Read a book you once loved as though you never read it before. The level of the well will once again rise, and the ideas will come. And when they do, a new piece of writing will come. Then the well will drain once again, and it will be time to get out there once more.

I feel better than I have in months about my writing and I'm looking forward to a productive couple of months. Look out world, here I come!

Introvert or Party Pooper?

I'm an introvert. It may not be obvious to those who know me, but it's true.

Never is this more obvious to me than when I'm at a party. Like right now. I am at a party with about a hundred people, and I'm sitting on the porch, by myself, blogging from my phone. I mean I hate it. I'm not much of a drinker, and I'm not adept at striking up conversation with strangers. Or maybe I just don't want to talk to people I don't know. That could be it. 

It's weird. Put me in a room in a professional environment, and I'll talk about work and education until I'm blue in the face or you're bored out of your mind. I can do that. Put me on a stage, to give a speech in front of hundreds or even thousands of people. I can do that. I just don't want to make small talk. I don't want to socialize. I'd rather be reading or writing or listening to my own choice of music.

I used to not be able to admit this. In fact, I think I even thought of myself as lame for not liking parties. I didn't go to many in high school. It wasn't that I didn't have friends. I had a tight knit group of friends, I was a cheerleader (Ugh, I can't believe I'm sharing that publicly), and my last two years of high school I had a boyfriend. But parties were never my thing. I did have a brief period of time in college during which I attended lots of frat parties and other non-Greek social gatherings. I think it's because in college there was no happy medium. It was kind of like go to a party or sit alone in my dorm room. My friends would never have allowed the latter... at least not in my first two years.

Eventually though, maybe because I was in a serious relationship with my soon to be husband, it got old. I was much more content to hang out with my best college buddy and play Scrabble and watch Donna Reed repeats. It's ok, you can think we're lame. I wouldn't trade those nights for the world. Out of them came a friendship that remains as important to me today as it was then.

Now, there's nothing I enjoy more on a Friday or Saturday night, or even a holiday, than a nice meal at home or in a quiet restaurant, with my family or a couple of close friends. So on Independence Day, while the hundred or so gather outside to set the sky on fire with fireworks, I'll stay here on the porch, catch whatever I can, and wait to be alone again with a book or my journal.

A Scout Is- Part 2

I got my gripe with BSA out of the way in my last post, and now I'm ready to share the photo journal I had intended to write last time I sat down to blog. Scouting has been an amazing experience for my son, and he's still on the journey. Last year, when he was attending an event at Camp Miles, a local scout camp in Punta Gorda, I had to drive out to pick him up on Sunday. I had intended to spend a little time visiting with everyone when I got there so I was traveling leisurely, no rush.

It was a beautiful sunny day and as I was alone, I was much more observant than I usually am when entering the camp. I found myself taking time to soak in the beauty of the grounds and appreciating all my son has gotten out of spending time there, disconnected from the daily chaos of his usual surroundings. I turned off the radio and opened my window so I could hear the sounds- birds chirping, cawing, and flapping, buzzing insects. Spending time in nature without computers, phones, and iPods is a rare opportunity for today's teens. I've got to say, I'm pleased my son still enjoys it. Even on occasion when he complains about his impending weekend being taken up entirely by a scouting event or camping trip (a common conflict for teenage boys who remain in scouts, despite the social pressures and distractions that tug at them), he always enjoys being outdoors, getting a good dose of fresh outside air, dirt under the fingernails, and a night or two under the stars. He always sleeps well when he returns too. It's a really good kind of tired.


A Scout Is...

Scouts and other visitors are blessed with the nature of "Real Florida" the minute they pull into camp.

Shortly upon entry, you are reminded with signage, "Scout Law is the law of the camp." 

The 6th characteristic of the Scout Law is kind.

A scout is not only kind to people, but to nature as well. Leave no trace they're taught. 

In other words, leave a place you visit just the way you found it.

The long entry road that winds into camp is lined with tall slash pines, creating a natural hallway into the campgrounds. It's a dramatic entrance into the back of the property.

I couldn't get enough photos of the lush land on this sunny and blue sky day.

The eighth characteristic in the Scout Law is cheerful. It's hard not to be when spending time at camp.

Throughout camp there are spots with different textures and land denseness. Between some trees there was this clearing with what seemed like rows of various plant life; grasses, littorals, and trees.

Thrifty, not a word you hear too often anymore, is characteristic number nine in the Scout Law. According to the dictionary, thrifty doesn't just refer to economical management. It also means thriving, prosperous, successful, thriving physically or growing vigorously.  A scout really is thrifty!

Brave is number ten. Scouts first learn to be brave as they crossover from Cubs and need to learn how to survive by depending on each other, rather than moms, dads, and other caretakers. This develops even more as they learn self-sufficiency and survival skills.

These slash pines tower over the land throughout the camp, like nature's guards.

Eleven out of twelve is clean. Not just clean physically, but of mind for making good decisions.

The final characteristic in the Scout law, number twelve, is reverent. It's quite probable many scouts don't even know the meaning of this word until they learn the Scout Law. But you can bet they learn to be respectful to their peers, adults, and the land as they develop in the BSA ranks.

Finally, a mile or two on the winding road through natural SWFL, you come to the official camp sign.

As you enter the actual camp you see an amphitheater, a lookout tower, a dining hall, pool, and several other structures. It is a full service camp all year.

This lake is significant to our troop. When Cub Scouts crossover into Boy Scouts, the senior members of the troop canoe out by the light of tiki torches from a small island out in the distance, to the ceremony on the main camp where they pick up their new troop members for the first time. It's a great ceremony to mark the official crossover from Cub Scout to Boy Scout.

I have many other photos of the camp and the time my son, his troop, and our family have spent there. We camped at Camp Miles as a family when he was a Cub Scout, and he continues to spend time there and other Scout Camps with his troop as a Boy Scout. 

Scout Law

A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.

A Scout Is- Part 1

I've been holding this post inside my head for nearly a year now. I'm not quite sure what it's supposed to be. I know what I would like it to be and I would rather not have an agenda. But I know the subject will bring up mixed feelings in readers. You see, what I would like this post to be is a brief photo journal of some thoughts and feelings I have about my son's amazing experience in Boy Scouts. But that will have to wait until part 2 of this post. It is difficult to write about all of the positives without qualifying my disdain for some of the BSA policies. Come on, you follow the news, and you know what I'm talking about. The BSA's BS on homosexuality. First gays weren't allowed. Now the boys who are gay are allowed, and the leaders aren't. At least not if they're "open or avowed homosexuals." Oy. I can hardly believe I support any aspect of an organization that would put such lunacy in their bylaws. But hear me out...

When my son joined Cub Scouts in 2nd grade, none if this had even been on the radar. We- my husband and I, never gave it any thought. Why would we? People are people (if you're singing Depeche Mode right now, I hear ya), so a good leader is a good leader. Our son crossed over to Boy Scouts in 5th grade, like all Cub Scouts who decide to continue the scouting program. After all, this is what they worked for, no more pack camping and co-camping with parents. Just the kids and a few adult leaders, because a true Boy Scout troop is boy run. Anyway, it wasn't until our son was well into his Boy Scout career when all of the policy discussion surfaced. For me, it's a no brainer. Hands down, I do not agree that any boy or any trained and well-intentioned adult should be excluded from scouting on the basis of their sexuality. A few situations here and there might have to be handled a little bit differently, but so what. We do it for female leaders.

I am encouraged to read that at the national meeting in May, the BSA president said the policy of banning openly gay adults from leadership should be changed** in order for the organization to survive and maintain its relevancy. He supposedly requested and expects they'll take action by October of this year. His suggestion was to take it out of the hands of the national organization and leave it up to the charter organization, to set the guidelines to align with the mission of BSA. Seventy percent of charter organizations are religious organizations and they would have the right to set up their own criteria, many will likely support the same beliefs as the original policy. But only time will tell. I'll be on the lookout for updates.

This brings up a major point of conflict for me. As I mentioned, my son was involved in the scouting program well before I became aware of any of this. Now I have to ask myself, is my disdain for the policy enough for me to yank my boy out of scouts and all of the positive experiences he's had, and is still having? I hate to say it, but no. My son is old enough to engage in conversation about all of this. He now knows about the policy and though it might be one that we do not agree with as a family, virtually every other aspect of scouting has been beneficial to my son as a growing young man, an outdoorsman, a developing leader, a member of the community, and a citizen. We will never support the policy, but we support scouting. And I still ask myself, is that okay? Then I think about this...

We participate in lots of things in this country even when we don't agree with every aspect and every policy in the institution. Let's take for instance public school. There are bushels of policies I don't agree with. Over-testing, grading of schools, school choice, over-standardization, VAM scores; I could go on. The point is, I don't pull my kid out of school and put him in some second rate private school or over-priced prep school. He goes to public school. And great things are happening with him there. Are there crappy policies that I'd like to see change? Definitely. But we need to try and change poor policy from within. When so much of an agency, organization, institution is good, we need to try and work on what's bad and not just bail. We need to actively voice our concerns about what's wrong, and speak loudly that we won't stand for it. That's the way we get policies changed.

Where does that leave me? It leaves me with the recognition that scouting has been wonderful for my son. He has been on so many adventures. Actually about now, he's probably hanging off a mountain at Ranger Camp in Georgia, part of Boy Scout Summer Camp. He has developed leadership skills. Actually, he went from being a smart ass and a clown to the current Senior Patrol Leader of his troop. Okay, he's probably still a bit of a smart ass and a clown, but he's learning there's a time and a place. He has learned various aspects of scouting, survival, service, citizenship, trade, and academia all on his way to what he hopes will be his Eagle Scout rank. At a time and an age when many boys quit scouting because they don't like the uniform or there aren't any girls, a few of them stick with it because they see the value in what they're doing.

I hope we hear of some updates to the policy in October. I really, really hope we do. I'll feel a little bit better about the organization my son is representing and cherish a little bit more. Let's hope. In the meantime, my son continues to grow into an adventurous, independent, young leader. He certainly is, as all scouts strive to be: trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent*.  Okay, maybe he still needs a little work on the obedient part, but he's getting there.

Part 2 will include the photo journaling I referred to at the beginning of this post.

*Beginning with A Scout is, these are the characteristics included in the Scout Law.
**In July 2015, BSA updated the policy banning gay leaders.

The Struggle is Real, Even if it is a First World Problem

I'm struggling right now with having to work through the summer. As an educator, I had summers off for almost ten years. In the beginning of my career I worked summers in our effort to get financially stable on a new teacher salary and my husband's equally meager wages. I was young though- high energy- chasing any dollar I could score legally! Then, I worked for a couple of year-round programs until I went to the public school system to be on the same schedule as my son. I wanted to be a mom, and not just outside a 6 to 6 workday. Don't mistake that comment for a lack of respect for people who do it, because they have to. I was there for several years. Last spring I went back to a year round school, and now I'm on summer two, yay. Can you hear the enthusiasm?

But this post wasn't meant to be about working summers. It's just particularly relevant because many of my friends, including all my writing buddies, are not working this summer. They doing wonderfully creative and inspiring things, and they're writing- whenever they feel like it. I wake up at 5:30, cram in a morning work-out, rush off to work, and come home and try to relax, eat dinner, walk the dog, read, write, unwind, and do household chores. And it's hard to find time, open-minded time to write. Last night, I was home alone in a quiet house. It would seemingly be the best time to write. But I just didn't feel like it. I spent most of my downtime over the weekend reading and setting up a new blog for my writing group, but I haven't done any new writing in several days.

Today, I woke up and got dressed in my workout clothes. I walked the dog and brewed a cup of coffee- all things I normally do on Tuesday and Thursday mornings before my pilates workout. But while I sipped my cup o' joe, I was thinking about a movie I saw last night (The Words- yes it's about writing!), and I checked-in to read any new writing in my writer's circle, I decided I'd rather write than workout. Now I'm in conflict... workout the brain and the emotions or the heart and the muscles. The struggle is real folks. My body needs the cardio and fat burning, and my mind needs the thinking and muscle building. It's not that I can't make time for a workout later, it's just I purposely started working out in the morning because I never feel like it in the evening after a draining day at work. So I kick my ass out to the gym or to my living room for pilates just about every morning before I'm awake enough to think about it. No excuses off a good night's sleep.

Not today.

Today I wanted to write.

And I did.