Soul to Soul

Rather off the cuff recently, after almost 18 years of marriage and about 25 years with my agnostic husband, I looked at him and asked, "Do you believe we are soulmates?" It was not a trick question designed to bait him into an argument, or a test of how he feels about our relationship. It was a genuine and sincere question about something we had never discussed before. 

It is a sticky thought, not necessarily for us as a couple but for people in general. We often hear people say things like, "They were meant to be together," or "They were made for each other." But if we really consider the implications of what that means, it becomes a much more complex discussion. What does "meant to be" mean? Does it mean if you believe in G-d, that G-d put you on the earth for each other and you were predestined to cross paths? No matter what had happened to us and in our lives, we would have ended up together anyway? If my mom never decided to move from New York to Florida when I was a teenager, my Florida born and raised husband and I still would have found our way to each other?  

I read recently that according to mythology ancient Greeks, believed humans were created with four arms, four legs, and two heads (as well as male and female genitals). Zeus feared they would become too powerful so he split them in two, forcing them to spend their whole lives searching for their other halves. Most Judeo-Christian religions believe that woman (Eve) came from man (Adam). There is some pretty good simple information about religious beliefs and soulmates on this self-helpy site about finding your soulmate (http://www.the-soulmate-site.com/soul-mate-theory.html). But is there a higher power of any kind that brings two people together, or is it simply chance that two people make a series of choices, and experience a series of happenings leading them on some path? 

If soulmates exist, then the next question is how many do we have? The next one might be, are all soulmates romantic? My dad, who has been divorced from my mom since 1987ish after being married for 17 years, once told me he believed people have more than one soulmate, and for different purposes. He used the example of his relationship with my mother for bringing them their children, my sister and me. He then explained that his current wife is his life partner, and another soulmate. I am still not sure how I feel about that, but he is my dad. Some of the soulmate self-help gurus online agree with the multiple soulmate theory.

I have talked to others about meeting people in their lives who seem to be there at just the right time, providing just the kind of friend they needed when they needed it. Or have you ever met someone who you felt like you had known for years, even though you are just getting to know them? Many people would say this type of frienship feels like you have met a soulmate of sorts, kindred spirits.

When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and it feels so right, you seem to be able to accomplish and survive anything together, it might be difficult to accept that you found each other by chance or by luck. You feel alive and true to who you are, and when two of you come together equally committed to working hard at the relationship when so many others seem unwilling, you start to wonder why and how you were brought to each other. You believe so deeply in the bond of love you have together, it is hard to believe there was no divine intervention or a fate-like power, because your feelings are that strong. I am Jewish by faith, a believer in G-d. As I consider the beauty of my realtionship with my husband, an umatched commitment and unconditional love, I want to believe that G-d brought him to me, and me to him, and our son to us. How can something so divine, come from anything other than G-d? 

But if I believe strongly that the power of G-d brought us together, that chance and circumstance had nothing to do with it, then must I also believe that those who do not have this kind of love in their lives are alone because G-d wants them to be? Why did I encounter my love at the age of 16, and my sister hers at the age of 42? Surely, God did not purposely make my sister wait, make her experience pain and loneliness just because. Those who look to word and acts of G-d quite literally would say that G-d has a purpose and we do not always understand it. We just have to believe, have faith because G-d works in mysterious ways. I believe in G-d. I believe strongly and whole-heartedly in the higher power, in the creator (incidentally, I do not subscribe to the idea that any one book or written work is the literal word of G-d). I just do not think everything is so calucalted like that. I do not ask G-d for things, I do not think every little positive thing in my life is a direct result of G-d up in the sky at the control panel pressing the buttons to help me out because I have been ind to others. I do believe that G-d is within everyone, breathing strength into us, giving us the power to make good decisions, to be the best people we can be, to open our hearts to love.

So does G-d, fate, or any higher power bring us to the ones we love? It is tempting to believe it, but I am not sure I do, at least not completely. Sometimes life presents choices, circumstances, feelings, and as human beings we react. G-d gave us free will, it is up to us to embrace the challenges and choices in our lives the best way we know how. Your wife, husband, best friend, current or future soulmate maybe on your path or in your presence. You may not even know it, or you may be lucky enough to be living it, as I feel I am.  But it is up to both of you to create the lasting, loving friendship that really bonds you soul to soul. Soulmates, in my opinon, are created by the human act of joining in love and friendship infinitely and unconditionally.