A Mother's Wish

"You never stop worrying about your children," she always told me. She was not kidding. Most of what my mom told me about being a parent is true. I know it seems cliche for a mother to write to her kids about all she wishes for them, and to offer her sage advice when she reflects on what she did and did not do, and the choices she made in her life. But when you get to be a certain age, it just happens. Right now my concern for my son and his future consumes a vast majority of my thoughts. At any given moment, my mind is flooded with questions: Will he learn the proper study habits? Will he score ok on the SATs? Will he get into college? Will he get into the college he wants to attend? Will he be happy there?

Then there is all the non-school related stuff. Will he meet the right girl? Will he pick the right girl? Will he/they make good decisions about their relationship, their futures? Everyone (except for parents of boys) says it is easier to raise boys, at least you do not have to worry about them getting pregnant, right? Wrong. What about the worry that he will knock some girl up? It takes two, the last time I checked. In the loving, respectful, and responsible family in which I grew up, the values are such that both the kids' lives would be affected by an unplanned baby. Both their futures would be altered, affected forever. I only hope these same values will help prevent an unplanned pregancy. But let's face it. Good people make bad decisions sometimes and mistakes happen. I worry about all of this. Don't all parents?

But I also worry about his life in general. I worry about his happiness as a person. Will he be happy in life? WIll he find work that he loves? Will he feel successful and accomplished at whatever he chooses to do? Will he realize that there is more to life than work and career, and live his life as such? Will he continue to be kind and generous? Will others love him for the person we know him to be? As a teenager my son has such a lust for life, he has since he was a tot. He loves adventure and inquiry, technology and interpersonal relationships. He has a kind heart, a witty sense of humor, and an enormous sense of wonder about the world. 

So you may wonder why I worry so much. Maybe it is because he is my only child and thus the focus of all my energy, attention, and concern. Maybe it is because that is just what moms do. So as we begin his 16th year, and look forward to driving, working, dating (oh boy), and college, here are my wishes for my only child, my heart, my son Jacob:

I wish for you the courage to always follow your dreams, no matter how crazy others may think you are. But still, chase them with a sense of care and appreciation for those who help you along the way.

I wish for you a world that embraces you for the unique individual you are, and whose inhabitants never coerce you into conformity. But still, accept others without need to coerce them.

I wish for you the patience to make good, informed decisions, and the forgiveness of yourself and others when those decisions do not work out so well. But still, provide the same forgiveness for others who make mistakes, because even the ones you love will.

I wish for you the ability and the intuition to see through people who will claim to be genuine and selfless, when they may be just the opposite. But still, be as honest and genuine toward others as you want others to be to you.

I wish for you the understanding that hard work is more important than intelligence or talent, for without the first the others go to waste. But still, do not sacrafice your talents or intelligence to make others feel better.

I wish for you a life with minimal pain and suffering, and the grace to come through whatever comes your way. But still, remember to standby others who are suffering and in need.

I wish for you a partner in life who is as good to you as your father is to me. But still, show you have learned from his example by being the same to her. 

Most of all, I wish for you what all parents wish for their children. I wish for you to always be healthy and happy.